Saying no has never been my strong suit.

When I started photographing weddings, back in the early 2000’s, I said yes to every bride, no matter how big or how small the ceremony. One morning, I woke up remembering other people’s anniversaries instead of my own. I was stressed and exhausted. Then it dawned on me: I had photographed weddings every weekend for 10 years. Time had flown by, but instead of living my life and being present in it, I’d been giving all of my time and energy to everyone else.

Then I learned how to say no.

I stopped saying yes to every request. I freed up some of my weekends, took back some control, and established healthier boundaries for myself and my work. Don’t get me wrong, I loved my clients. But it was my time I needed to say “no” to giving away. Eventually, I stopped photographing weddings altogether. It wasn’t easy, but those small steps led me to where I am now–boudoir photography. I absolutely love what I do, and I couldn’t be happier.

When was the last time you told someone no, and actually followed through?

There are whole articles about how to say no, and why you should do it more often. If you’re a “yes” person like I used to be, I recommend thinking about the opportunity cost before you commit. What will you lose by saying yes? Time? Money? Health? Days and months of your life? What will you gain? If what you’re gaining does not outweigh what you’re losing, it’s time to say no girl. 

“But Sam, saying no to people makes me feel mean, like I’m letting people down.” Girl, I FEEL you there. But think about it this way: if you say yes to every single person, are you absolutely certain you can give your all, 100%, to every one of them? Can you guarantee that someone won’t slip through the cracks, that you’ll start to give only 80%, just to get the job done and move onto the next person? 

I couldn’t do that. I couldn’t NOT give my all, but by doing that, I was exhausting myself. I didn’t have time to focus on other important things in my life: my husband, my young son, my friends, my own self-care. The rest of my life started slipping through the cracks, and that wasn’t healthy either. I had to make a choice for my own sanity, and it’s important that you do too. 

• “Now’s not a good time for me as I’m in the middle of something. Let’s chat about it later.”
• “Let me think about it first and I’ll get back to you.”
• “I’m not the best person to help you with this, but my friend ‘so and so’ would be amazing!”
• “I can’t commit to this as I have other priorities at the moment.”
• “You are wonderful to think of me, but I need some time for my family right now.”

FOMO is real, ladies!

While saying no is important, I know that we also don’t want to miss out on anything. But saying no doesn’t mean you have to give up what you love! I started saying no and it ended up guiding me to the business I have today. I said no, and so many new doors opened for me. It may not seem like it at first, but many wonderful opportunities lie on the other side of a firm “no.”